Okay...I'm a bit more distracted this morning than I am usually when I'm writing. The sun is up, I've been back from my morning run for about half and hour and I've attempted to do several things already and have lost that peaceful quietness that settles over me when I first return from my morning run. That's one of the things I think I like the most and why I force myself to get up early in the morning. It's that peacefulness that invades my soul and allows me to just breath. I can breath without thinking of all the things I have to get done, should get done, want to get done. I can simply take in the newness of the day and relax for a brief moment when I don't have to fix or solve any problems. I don't have to think about any of my mistakes. I don't have to wonder about my future. I can just be. How nice and what a gift. I wish I could grab ahold of that feeling a bit more through out the day so that I could give myself permission to just be. Part of me will always be the doing part, it's my personality and it's who I am. I get energy from being around people. I like the challenge of solving problems, I love those around me and want to fix things, but in doing that all the time I lose the ability to stop, be, and just be grateful in the moment.
This morning when I was running was the first time in four weeks I felt like it wasn't so bad and I might survive this little adventure :) I will survive it because I have a stubborn determination to do so since I started this thing, but it's the first time it wasn't so hard and I thought I could survive it without the ....I'm going to do this or go down trying....thought. Maybe it's becuase we are repeating last weeks training schedule again or maybe it's becuase I'm finally getting used to this a bit and some endurance built up. Not sure.....but I'll take it :)
Two things I also realized this morning. First....my mind is still completely focused on the running and that is making it harder I think. I listen to music while I run to distract me and that's been good becuase sometimes I can listen to the words and stop thinking about how much further I have to go, but often times I'm still thinking about it. Sometimes like I was saying earlier, I'm so caught up in the doing that I miss the being. Something to think about and work on. I think if I could distract myself and enjoy the music the running would be easier. I think sometimes if I could distract myself from the doing in life....I could enjoy the being a bit more as well.
Another interseting thing...this morning there were a lot of other runners out. This is abnormal. In the three weeks we've been doing this I rarely see any other runners. There were two guys running on the track in front of us this morning and as I passed them I heard them talking about technique. Thought that was interesting. Made me think about how we can help each other out and give/get suggestions but in the end it's ultimately about what you are comfortable with or what works best for you. This made me think about how sometimes we try and fit everyone in a box and we try and fit our faith in a box. We expect everyone and our faith to fit into a nice little mold and if it doesn't look like we think it should we discount it as wrong. Funny because maybe it's just a different technique. Not right or wrong, just different. Don't know....need to unpack this some more.
When we finished running and I was driving home I saw a buch more runners. Some were running alone, some in a group. Those in a group were in another group with some running behind that group. It was encouraging to see other runners out running the race. It made me think about how in life there are so many different people and but watching the good example that some set it's easier for us to run strong. It goes back again to the scripture in Hebrew. Since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses let us run with endurance the race set before us. Watching others helps us as well.
Well....for some reason I'm falling asleep and need to actually get up and ready for work...but....things to ponder :)
God grant me the stength and grace to get through this day clothed in compassion and love that I might share You with those I meet today.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Random Rambling 2
So I just got back from my run this morning and have been thinking about a few things and thought I'd reflect on them.
First-I was listening to a song this morning while I was running that really spoke to me:
Say Won't You Say by Jennifer Knapp
Every mornin I
Have a chance to rise
and give my all
Every afternoon I find
I have only wasted time
In light of your awe
Isn't love amazing?
I forgot how to speak
Knowing You are near
and I am finally free
Say won't you say
Say that you love me
With love ever love
love everlasting
all my devotion
put into motion by You
My eyes fear to close
this reckless letting go
is hard to bear
On the edge of what I need
still I cling to what I see
and what have I there?
I bred my own disaster
who have I to blame?
when all I need is waiting
to be fanned to flame?
Say won't you say
say that You love me
with love ever love, love ever lasting
all my devotion
put in to motion by You
Sometimes this is a fairly accurate description of my life. Every morning I rise with a new day to live. A "do over" and opportunity to get it right. I tell myself a million things. I'm going to get more work done today, I'm going to be motivated, I'm going to get along with my boss, I'm going to make a difference, I'm going to come home and clean my apartment, I'm not going to waste today like I wasted yesterday. There is such promise in the newness of the day. Every afternoon I find I have only wasted time. Usually I haven't done as much as I could, I haven't gotten along with my boss, the dishes are still sitting in the kitchen sink, I've sat down and half the evening has passed and I wonder what happened. Maybe it's realizing true freedom isn't in the doing. Freedom can only be found in light of God's amazing grace and love.
Funny...I find the lines....On the edge of what I need, still I cling to what I know, this and what have I there? Bred my own disaster, who have I to blame? When all I need is waiting, to be fanned to flame.
I know that God offers all I need. I know His grace is enough. I know that if I truly let go and trusted Him, He is faithful and would be enough. I feel like sometimes I live with one foot in my new life and one in the old. Fear and bitterness, frustration, and anger. All these things hold me to what I have known and always done. God's love, grace, forgiveness, strength call me forth to a new life. One that offers freedom and LIFE....but I can't get there completely because I cling to what I see. I don't know....if I could truly grasp the concept of God's love maybe it would be enough to gently push me the rest of way.
It's kind of like running this morning, it was a bit easier but still difficult. The humidity was rough. Like every step forward I took I ran into an invisible wall. One I had to push past to get to the finish line.
I can't push past all of those things I cling to when I'm focusing on what could be or what I was or did before. It's an invisible wall keeping me from living free. It's keeping me from being completely transformed into the person that God created me to be. It's like I'm saying to God...I trust you with this much of me and my life, but not all of it. It's easier that way....than getting hurt. Funny though...it still hurts not to be living the life God has for you. All those things you think you are protecting yourself from. Fear, rejection, others, still hurt you. If we could just give them up and bask in the knowledge and freedom that God sees us, the good and bad, and loves us and wants us to love Him. If we could grasp it just a little...if I could grasp it just a little...I imagine my life would look a lot different.
God I pray I would stop clinging to what I see and let your love consume me. I pray that I would finally be free. Fee to love and free to live. I don't want to waste anymore time living with those things I know I will only regret. I want to LIVE. Live in freedom and love and forgiveness and grace....and I can....it's not out of reach.
The other thing I was thinking about this morning is that I have so many blessings in my life. God answers my prayers in SO many ways and I forget to say thank you . I forget to acknowledge that He has blessed me and given me so many amazing things. I am grateful but I fail to mention it. God...I'm sorry. I am grateful and I love You Thank you for all that you have given to me.
May this day be one of gratefulness and peace where I walk with You and bask in your abundant grace and love. I choose You. I choose life.
First-I was listening to a song this morning while I was running that really spoke to me:
Say Won't You Say by Jennifer Knapp
Every mornin I
Have a chance to rise
and give my all
Every afternoon I find
I have only wasted time
In light of your awe
Isn't love amazing?
I forgot how to speak
Knowing You are near
and I am finally free
Say won't you say
Say that you love me
With love ever love
love everlasting
all my devotion
put into motion by You
My eyes fear to close
this reckless letting go
is hard to bear
On the edge of what I need
still I cling to what I see
and what have I there?
I bred my own disaster
who have I to blame?
when all I need is waiting
to be fanned to flame?
Say won't you say
say that You love me
with love ever love, love ever lasting
all my devotion
put in to motion by You
Sometimes this is a fairly accurate description of my life. Every morning I rise with a new day to live. A "do over" and opportunity to get it right. I tell myself a million things. I'm going to get more work done today, I'm going to be motivated, I'm going to get along with my boss, I'm going to make a difference, I'm going to come home and clean my apartment, I'm not going to waste today like I wasted yesterday. There is such promise in the newness of the day. Every afternoon I find I have only wasted time. Usually I haven't done as much as I could, I haven't gotten along with my boss, the dishes are still sitting in the kitchen sink, I've sat down and half the evening has passed and I wonder what happened. Maybe it's realizing true freedom isn't in the doing. Freedom can only be found in light of God's amazing grace and love.
Funny...I find the lines....On the edge of what I need, still I cling to what I know, this and what have I there? Bred my own disaster, who have I to blame? When all I need is waiting, to be fanned to flame.
I know that God offers all I need. I know His grace is enough. I know that if I truly let go and trusted Him, He is faithful and would be enough. I feel like sometimes I live with one foot in my new life and one in the old. Fear and bitterness, frustration, and anger. All these things hold me to what I have known and always done. God's love, grace, forgiveness, strength call me forth to a new life. One that offers freedom and LIFE....but I can't get there completely because I cling to what I see. I don't know....if I could truly grasp the concept of God's love maybe it would be enough to gently push me the rest of way.
It's kind of like running this morning, it was a bit easier but still difficult. The humidity was rough. Like every step forward I took I ran into an invisible wall. One I had to push past to get to the finish line.
I can't push past all of those things I cling to when I'm focusing on what could be or what I was or did before. It's an invisible wall keeping me from living free. It's keeping me from being completely transformed into the person that God created me to be. It's like I'm saying to God...I trust you with this much of me and my life, but not all of it. It's easier that way....than getting hurt. Funny though...it still hurts not to be living the life God has for you. All those things you think you are protecting yourself from. Fear, rejection, others, still hurt you. If we could just give them up and bask in the knowledge and freedom that God sees us, the good and bad, and loves us and wants us to love Him. If we could grasp it just a little...if I could grasp it just a little...I imagine my life would look a lot different.
God I pray I would stop clinging to what I see and let your love consume me. I pray that I would finally be free. Fee to love and free to live. I don't want to waste anymore time living with those things I know I will only regret. I want to LIVE. Live in freedom and love and forgiveness and grace....and I can....it's not out of reach.
The other thing I was thinking about this morning is that I have so many blessings in my life. God answers my prayers in SO many ways and I forget to say thank you . I forget to acknowledge that He has blessed me and given me so many amazing things. I am grateful but I fail to mention it. God...I'm sorry. I am grateful and I love You Thank you for all that you have given to me.
May this day be one of gratefulness and peace where I walk with You and bask in your abundant grace and love. I choose You. I choose life.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Run
So..running this morning made me think about a few things...
First, it's hard. It might not be for some people, but it is for me. I don't particuarily enjoy it right now, but I have to believe that the end result will be worth it. Life is kind of like that sometimes. We don't always enjoy it, or what we are going through but I have to believe that in the end it's worth it. If we don't give up we will one day see that we didn't run in vain.
Second-sometimes you have to push through the pain in order to reap the benefits on the other side. After about half way through our training I have to dig deep to find what it takes to finish. Sometimes life is like that too. We have to dig down deep for faith and strength to make it through current circumstances. We have to rely on God and not ourselves to get us through.
Third-sometimes we need others to run along side us and encourage us to keep going or to even start running. If I didn't have my friend to do this with in the morning it would be really really easy to just stay in bed but becuase I know someone is running with me and someone is counting on me I can get up and go and push through another day of training.
Fourth-sometimes we have to fake it a bit before we actually start to feel comfortable with it. I don't particuarily like to run, but I keep thinking that if I do this now I might one day get to the point where I understand why other people do it and enjoy it so much. Sometimes in my walk I have to keep going, keep doing what I know I need to until I can get to the other side of whatever is holding me back.
Fifth-sometimes taking the focus off of me helps. I've found I'm much more able to go the distance when I'm listening to my music than when I'm just thinking of the next step I have to take. Sometimes in life I get so focused on the next step I miss God in the moment and what He's doing in my life.
Sixth-sometimes I'm blessed to see the light coming up through the darkness and for a moment all is still and bright and the world is new and it's a new day. Sometimes that's the boost I need. Sometimes just knowing that there is hope can get us through some of those difficult times. It can allow us to hang on. In those moments we see the blessings that we have.
Finally-eventually I will be stronger and able to run farther. Eventually it will get easier. It's not always going to be pain and sometime when I've pushed through all of the stuff it takes to get there I'll be able to go the distance. It won't come without pain, falling down a time or two, a day or two off, and probably a lot of prayer :) I don't know why I think my walk with God should be any different. Sometimes I won't feel like living this life as a believer and being who God calls me to be, and sometimes I might stumble and lose my way for a moment, and sometimes I might even want to walk away from it all, but in the end as I stick it out, as I train, as I push through I will reach the goal, and I will do that in my walk as well. As I dig down deep and sink my faith into God, as I look to Him for strength and push on I hope I can not only run the race for myself, but allow others to see that it can be done.
This isn't the end of running, and it's not the end of my walk with God. It's only the beginning. The question is....am I willing to do the work to make it something special. Am I willing to do the work with my relationship with God to make it strong and special as well. I pray the answer is yes becuase I want to be one of the ones at the end of the day that says, " I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful. " (2nd Timothy 4:7). Becuase in the end my walk with God is the most important race I'll ever run and the only race worth turely running and finishing well.
" 24 Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! 25 All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. 26 So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing. 27 I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified." 1st Corithians 9:24-27
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us." Hebrews 12:1
First, it's hard. It might not be for some people, but it is for me. I don't particuarily enjoy it right now, but I have to believe that the end result will be worth it. Life is kind of like that sometimes. We don't always enjoy it, or what we are going through but I have to believe that in the end it's worth it. If we don't give up we will one day see that we didn't run in vain.
Second-sometimes you have to push through the pain in order to reap the benefits on the other side. After about half way through our training I have to dig deep to find what it takes to finish. Sometimes life is like that too. We have to dig down deep for faith and strength to make it through current circumstances. We have to rely on God and not ourselves to get us through.
Third-sometimes we need others to run along side us and encourage us to keep going or to even start running. If I didn't have my friend to do this with in the morning it would be really really easy to just stay in bed but becuase I know someone is running with me and someone is counting on me I can get up and go and push through another day of training.
Fourth-sometimes we have to fake it a bit before we actually start to feel comfortable with it. I don't particuarily like to run, but I keep thinking that if I do this now I might one day get to the point where I understand why other people do it and enjoy it so much. Sometimes in my walk I have to keep going, keep doing what I know I need to until I can get to the other side of whatever is holding me back.
Fifth-sometimes taking the focus off of me helps. I've found I'm much more able to go the distance when I'm listening to my music than when I'm just thinking of the next step I have to take. Sometimes in life I get so focused on the next step I miss God in the moment and what He's doing in my life.
Sixth-sometimes I'm blessed to see the light coming up through the darkness and for a moment all is still and bright and the world is new and it's a new day. Sometimes that's the boost I need. Sometimes just knowing that there is hope can get us through some of those difficult times. It can allow us to hang on. In those moments we see the blessings that we have.
Finally-eventually I will be stronger and able to run farther. Eventually it will get easier. It's not always going to be pain and sometime when I've pushed through all of the stuff it takes to get there I'll be able to go the distance. It won't come without pain, falling down a time or two, a day or two off, and probably a lot of prayer :) I don't know why I think my walk with God should be any different. Sometimes I won't feel like living this life as a believer and being who God calls me to be, and sometimes I might stumble and lose my way for a moment, and sometimes I might even want to walk away from it all, but in the end as I stick it out, as I train, as I push through I will reach the goal, and I will do that in my walk as well. As I dig down deep and sink my faith into God, as I look to Him for strength and push on I hope I can not only run the race for myself, but allow others to see that it can be done.
This isn't the end of running, and it's not the end of my walk with God. It's only the beginning. The question is....am I willing to do the work to make it something special. Am I willing to do the work with my relationship with God to make it strong and special as well. I pray the answer is yes becuase I want to be one of the ones at the end of the day that says, " I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful. " (2nd Timothy 4:7). Becuase in the end my walk with God is the most important race I'll ever run and the only race worth turely running and finishing well.
" 24 Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! 25 All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. 26 So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing. 27 I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified." 1st Corithians 9:24-27
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us." Hebrews 12:1
Run With Endurance
So let us RUN with ENDURANCE this race set before us KNOWING the AUTHOR and PERFECTER of our FAITH.
Again this phrase keeps playing over and over and over in my head as I run. At first it was just kind of at the back of my head over and over again but the more I think about it the more I realize it’s actually what my life should look like as well.
Life happens. With its ups and downs and good and bad, it happens. Every day it happens. Sometimes we get a choice of what happens and sometimes we just get to deal with others choices. Sometimes things just happen for no apparent reason at all. If we sit around and wait for everything to be okay and line up the way we think it should we could be waiting a really long time. I’ve had this misguided idea that when things finally work out the way I want them to, THEN I can start living. Funny isn’t it. That will never happen. It will never be perfect while I’m here on this earth. At times it might even be less than ideal. I’ve been walking through life waiting for it to start and have forgotten that I need to be running this race with endurance. When you run, you train to run any kind of distance. You don’t wake up one day and run 20 miles, or at least I don’t know anyone that does What I do know is that it takes hard work and discipline to run, even a short distance for some….like me It’s like that with life. I somehow think I should just be able to get up each day and live a life of faith without having to work at it. Without having to discipline myself to read, to study, to do anything. I just want to be able to hit the “easy” button and have it all figured out. That’s not the case. You have to train for life. Not to the point where you choke the life out of it and it becomes only about the training and there’s no longer any joy, but you do have to work at it.
Second-it’s about running with endurance. Like with so many things in life I want them to happen right now. Maybe it’s because of the world we live in where we expect to get things the minute we want them. We have an entire culture built upon getting what you want and getting it now. Maybe it’s my lack of patience due to my ADHD or maybe it’s a combo but it would be really nice to know all I need to know about faith right and life right now. Because now is what I can see. But….it’s not about now. It’s about running for the long haul. It’s about realizing that what I do now will also determine who I am later on. If I get tired or board and give up I’ll never reach the end of the race. I’ll never achieve my goal. I’ll never finish.
The next phrase is something that just stood out to me today. Knowing the author and perfecter of our faith. . If I know what I’m running for I’m more likely to finish because I have a goal or a cause. With life, I can KNOW the author and perfector of my faith. If I know Him, then I know He is trust worthy, faithful, strong, full of love and grace. He wants what is best for me. He didn’t set this race out to trip me up or taunt me. He knows the race and He knows I can do it. He built the track and knows every step of it. I just have to KNOW Him in order to know where I’m going and how to get there. Better yet, He is willing to run along side of me and show me the way. What an advantage to finishing strong.
God is the author and pefecter of my faith. He wrote me into being. He knows my story. He sees what I’m going through and is moving me on toward the goal, toward Him if I’m willing. My faith isn’t perfect but it’s not even about that. It’s about moving toward the goal, not being perfect before I even start the race. It’s about living life, not having to have it all figured out before I start. God wrote me into being, created a story for me, walks with me on the journey and keeps me moving toward the goal and prize of finishing the race and finishing strong.
When I take my eyes off of Him, off of the finish line. When I give up because it’s too much work and too hard, when I think I have to have it all figured out before I even start the race I miss the point entirely. It’s not the 100 meter dash; it’s the cross country distance. It’s about realizing that I might have to stop a time or two along the way, but I can keep going. It’s about understanding that I really can run with endurance the race set before me BECAUSE I do KNOW the author and perfector of my faith. It’s about realizing that sometimes it’s just that. It’s faith. It’s not knowing how I’m going to get there but moving in the right direction and knowing who is running alongside me and that He knows how the race ends and how to get me there. It’s about seeing those in front of me finish strong and cheering on those still yet to come. It’s not about me winning the race alone but finishing strong so that others can be encouraged to continue the race as well.
May I, may WE RUN WELL the race set before us.
Hebrews 12 :1-3
Again this phrase keeps playing over and over and over in my head as I run. At first it was just kind of at the back of my head over and over again but the more I think about it the more I realize it’s actually what my life should look like as well.
Life happens. With its ups and downs and good and bad, it happens. Every day it happens. Sometimes we get a choice of what happens and sometimes we just get to deal with others choices. Sometimes things just happen for no apparent reason at all. If we sit around and wait for everything to be okay and line up the way we think it should we could be waiting a really long time. I’ve had this misguided idea that when things finally work out the way I want them to, THEN I can start living. Funny isn’t it. That will never happen. It will never be perfect while I’m here on this earth. At times it might even be less than ideal. I’ve been walking through life waiting for it to start and have forgotten that I need to be running this race with endurance. When you run, you train to run any kind of distance. You don’t wake up one day and run 20 miles, or at least I don’t know anyone that does What I do know is that it takes hard work and discipline to run, even a short distance for some….like me It’s like that with life. I somehow think I should just be able to get up each day and live a life of faith without having to work at it. Without having to discipline myself to read, to study, to do anything. I just want to be able to hit the “easy” button and have it all figured out. That’s not the case. You have to train for life. Not to the point where you choke the life out of it and it becomes only about the training and there’s no longer any joy, but you do have to work at it.
Second-it’s about running with endurance. Like with so many things in life I want them to happen right now. Maybe it’s because of the world we live in where we expect to get things the minute we want them. We have an entire culture built upon getting what you want and getting it now. Maybe it’s my lack of patience due to my ADHD or maybe it’s a combo but it would be really nice to know all I need to know about faith right and life right now. Because now is what I can see. But….it’s not about now. It’s about running for the long haul. It’s about realizing that what I do now will also determine who I am later on. If I get tired or board and give up I’ll never reach the end of the race. I’ll never achieve my goal. I’ll never finish.
The next phrase is something that just stood out to me today. Knowing the author and perfecter of our faith. . If I know what I’m running for I’m more likely to finish because I have a goal or a cause. With life, I can KNOW the author and perfector of my faith. If I know Him, then I know He is trust worthy, faithful, strong, full of love and grace. He wants what is best for me. He didn’t set this race out to trip me up or taunt me. He knows the race and He knows I can do it. He built the track and knows every step of it. I just have to KNOW Him in order to know where I’m going and how to get there. Better yet, He is willing to run along side of me and show me the way. What an advantage to finishing strong.
God is the author and pefecter of my faith. He wrote me into being. He knows my story. He sees what I’m going through and is moving me on toward the goal, toward Him if I’m willing. My faith isn’t perfect but it’s not even about that. It’s about moving toward the goal, not being perfect before I even start the race. It’s about living life, not having to have it all figured out before I start. God wrote me into being, created a story for me, walks with me on the journey and keeps me moving toward the goal and prize of finishing the race and finishing strong.
When I take my eyes off of Him, off of the finish line. When I give up because it’s too much work and too hard, when I think I have to have it all figured out before I even start the race I miss the point entirely. It’s not the 100 meter dash; it’s the cross country distance. It’s about realizing that I might have to stop a time or two along the way, but I can keep going. It’s about understanding that I really can run with endurance the race set before me BECAUSE I do KNOW the author and perfector of my faith. It’s about realizing that sometimes it’s just that. It’s faith. It’s not knowing how I’m going to get there but moving in the right direction and knowing who is running alongside me and that He knows how the race ends and how to get me there. It’s about seeing those in front of me finish strong and cheering on those still yet to come. It’s not about me winning the race alone but finishing strong so that others can be encouraged to continue the race as well.
May I, may WE RUN WELL the race set before us.
Hebrews 12 :1-3
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
True Acceptance
So while I was driving to work today I was thinking about blogging and social networks. I was thinking how often I read blogs that bear people's souls. I was also thinking about how this is a foreign concept to many adults...especially older adults who don't understand why people put so much of themselves out there for the world to see. And I had one of those "uh huh" moments. I think it's because deep down people long to be known and to know others. Not just known but accepted. While we are often afraid of people knowing stuff about us I think that deep down people want others to know them and accept them anyway. I think it's easier to do this in writing than to sit face to face with someone and spill your guts. So as I was contemplating our deep desire to be known, accepted and loved for who we are I was thinking about a book I am reading on prayer. The author was speaking about how prayer is really feeling like we are accepted and I got to thinking that this is true. I pour out all my stuff to God. The good and bad. There are days I tell Him how much I don't like what's happening and there are days I'm grateful for what I have in my life. I don't have to worry about Him not loving me because He does.....exactly where I am. I can't hide anything from Him because He knows everything anyway so that would just be silly to try. This led me to think about how many times I long to be real and authentic with people and have them accept me and I get worried that they won't. I'm not sure why this matters so much though if I have the acceptance and love of the very One who created the universe and spoke me into being. If God knows me and accepts me and loves me what am I so worried about with others. Maybe it's that other people aren't God and we seem to rarely accept each other just as we are. There's always some demand that we change something or there's some part of ourselves that if others knew they would be uncomfortable with and talking about. Funny....why should we be surprised that social networks and blogging is so popular. It's a venue for people to simply be. Just an interesting thought....something to contemplate....
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Random Rambings #1
So....to explain my title. First, the random ramblings is probably the most accurate part of the title :) I do ramble a bit and I am random. I think the randomness is due to my ADHD but I also think it allows me to view the world from a different and completely creative standpoint so it doesn't bother me :) I'm sorry that others can't always keep up though :) The running part...not as accurate. I should say that I'm not really a runner but I am training for a 5K kind of by accident so that's where the somewhat reluctant runner part comes in :) I had a friend that was going to be starting a program and I wanted to work out with someone so I was more likely to continue to do it and decided to join her. She's the one that actually came up with training for the 5K and I just went along for the ride figuring it couldn't hurt, and I don't mean hurt as in physically hurt because it has done that :) I meant I didn't think it could hurt my chances at attempting to live a healthier life since I'm 31 and apperantly not getting any younger. I have finally figured out after 31 years that I am NOT nor will I ever be one of those people that can eat whatever they want and not gain a pound so I figure the running will help with those efforts as well :)
So...the interesting part to me is that I have discovered some very interesting parellels between running and life. Early mornings and running seem to be a time to reflect on life for me. This morning when we were running I was thinking about how hard it was and how it would just be so much easier to walk and forget the whole thing. Especially when I started thinking about how much harder it will be next week and the week after and the week after. I don't know when I'll hit the point where it's easy or if I'll ever hit the point where I really enjoy it but for a few brief minutes when I close my eyes, listen to my music and fill the wind/ humid air on my face I can kind of imagine why people like it. Maybe it's a sense of accomplishment and freedom. Maybe it's the silence. Maybe it's the ability to push beyond what you think you can do and acheive something you weren't sure was possible. Maybe it's looking up at the sky as the day turns from dark to light and seeing God's amazing handy work first thing. Maybe it's pushing through the pain of the blisters on my feet knowing that eventually it won't hurt as bad even if I have to go through a little pain for awhile. I don't know, but I imagine and hope that at some point it will be something I want to do and not simply something I think is a good idea or that I force myself to do.
As I've been doing this training the last couple weeks the scripture in Hebrews 12 where it says: "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses , let us throw off everything that hinders us and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning it's shame, and sat down at the right hand of God. Consider Him who endured such oppostition from sinful man, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." The part that keeps running through my head is, let us run with endurance fixing our eyes on Jesus who is the author and perfector of our faith. It's a good reminder for life to. Sometimes I think I'm a reluctant traveler through life. I don't like where I'm at or what I'm doing. I'm frustraited by some hardship or trail. I'm tired and weary and want to give up and sit down and watch from the sidelines for awhile. Sometimes I just want to forget it all and walk away from the demands and the craziness and live in a cabin somewhere with a beautiful front porch swing and listen to the birds sing all day. Just like continuing to train for this 5K is a choice, how I live my life is a choice. I can chose to keep my eyes focused on Jesus and press on or I can choose to sit it out because it's to hard. In the end though I'll have missed out on some amazing experiences if I choose the second option. I don't know if running will ever be fun or easy. I don't know if I'll ever like waking up early in the morning to go do it.....and I don't know about life either. I don't know if it will ever be easy and I don't know if we ever get to a point of contentment where we are grateful for each and every experience, but I do know who I'm running with. My friend gives me strength to keep pushing on when I want to give up, I trust her and know that if something happens to me she will do whatever it takes to get help, so I can run knowing that I'm in good hands. That's even more of a truth when I think about life. Jesus is with me as my running partner, he is there encouraging me to continue on, to finish strong.
So....when I'm running and I can see the finish line in sight and the phrase "finish strong" keeps running through my head and I'm pushing past the pain and running for all I'm worth....I know I'm going to make it. When this life gets a bit to overwhelming or my days are a little to hectic and crazy....I just have to remember the same thing...."finish strong" and realize that it's all worth and one day when I'm standing before God I can say that I finished strong and pushed on and I'll get to hear Him say, " Well done" and it will all be worth it.
So I guess....while I'm a somewhat reluctant runner that's not the point...the point is still that I'm a runner....and who knows....maybe that's enough to keep me pushing on for now.
So...the interesting part to me is that I have discovered some very interesting parellels between running and life. Early mornings and running seem to be a time to reflect on life for me. This morning when we were running I was thinking about how hard it was and how it would just be so much easier to walk and forget the whole thing. Especially when I started thinking about how much harder it will be next week and the week after and the week after. I don't know when I'll hit the point where it's easy or if I'll ever hit the point where I really enjoy it but for a few brief minutes when I close my eyes, listen to my music and fill the wind/ humid air on my face I can kind of imagine why people like it. Maybe it's a sense of accomplishment and freedom. Maybe it's the silence. Maybe it's the ability to push beyond what you think you can do and acheive something you weren't sure was possible. Maybe it's looking up at the sky as the day turns from dark to light and seeing God's amazing handy work first thing. Maybe it's pushing through the pain of the blisters on my feet knowing that eventually it won't hurt as bad even if I have to go through a little pain for awhile. I don't know, but I imagine and hope that at some point it will be something I want to do and not simply something I think is a good idea or that I force myself to do.
As I've been doing this training the last couple weeks the scripture in Hebrews 12 where it says: "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses , let us throw off everything that hinders us and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning it's shame, and sat down at the right hand of God. Consider Him who endured such oppostition from sinful man, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." The part that keeps running through my head is, let us run with endurance fixing our eyes on Jesus who is the author and perfector of our faith. It's a good reminder for life to. Sometimes I think I'm a reluctant traveler through life. I don't like where I'm at or what I'm doing. I'm frustraited by some hardship or trail. I'm tired and weary and want to give up and sit down and watch from the sidelines for awhile. Sometimes I just want to forget it all and walk away from the demands and the craziness and live in a cabin somewhere with a beautiful front porch swing and listen to the birds sing all day. Just like continuing to train for this 5K is a choice, how I live my life is a choice. I can chose to keep my eyes focused on Jesus and press on or I can choose to sit it out because it's to hard. In the end though I'll have missed out on some amazing experiences if I choose the second option. I don't know if running will ever be fun or easy. I don't know if I'll ever like waking up early in the morning to go do it.....and I don't know about life either. I don't know if it will ever be easy and I don't know if we ever get to a point of contentment where we are grateful for each and every experience, but I do know who I'm running with. My friend gives me strength to keep pushing on when I want to give up, I trust her and know that if something happens to me she will do whatever it takes to get help, so I can run knowing that I'm in good hands. That's even more of a truth when I think about life. Jesus is with me as my running partner, he is there encouraging me to continue on, to finish strong.
So....when I'm running and I can see the finish line in sight and the phrase "finish strong" keeps running through my head and I'm pushing past the pain and running for all I'm worth....I know I'm going to make it. When this life gets a bit to overwhelming or my days are a little to hectic and crazy....I just have to remember the same thing...."finish strong" and realize that it's all worth and one day when I'm standing before God I can say that I finished strong and pushed on and I'll get to hear Him say, " Well done" and it will all be worth it.
So I guess....while I'm a somewhat reluctant runner that's not the point...the point is still that I'm a runner....and who knows....maybe that's enough to keep me pushing on for now.
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