Okay...I'm a bit more distracted this morning than I am usually when I'm writing. The sun is up, I've been back from my morning run for about half and hour and I've attempted to do several things already and have lost that peaceful quietness that settles over me when I first return from my morning run. That's one of the things I think I like the most and why I force myself to get up early in the morning. It's that peacefulness that invades my soul and allows me to just breath. I can breath without thinking of all the things I have to get done, should get done, want to get done. I can simply take in the newness of the day and relax for a brief moment when I don't have to fix or solve any problems. I don't have to think about any of my mistakes. I don't have to wonder about my future. I can just be. How nice and what a gift. I wish I could grab ahold of that feeling a bit more through out the day so that I could give myself permission to just be. Part of me will always be the doing part, it's my personality and it's who I am. I get energy from being around people. I like the challenge of solving problems, I love those around me and want to fix things, but in doing that all the time I lose the ability to stop, be, and just be grateful in the moment.
This morning when I was running was the first time in four weeks I felt like it wasn't so bad and I might survive this little adventure :) I will survive it because I have a stubborn determination to do so since I started this thing, but it's the first time it wasn't so hard and I thought I could survive it without the ....I'm going to do this or go down trying....thought. Maybe it's becuase we are repeating last weeks training schedule again or maybe it's becuase I'm finally getting used to this a bit and some endurance built up. Not sure.....but I'll take it :)
Two things I also realized this morning. First....my mind is still completely focused on the running and that is making it harder I think. I listen to music while I run to distract me and that's been good becuase sometimes I can listen to the words and stop thinking about how much further I have to go, but often times I'm still thinking about it. Sometimes like I was saying earlier, I'm so caught up in the doing that I miss the being. Something to think about and work on. I think if I could distract myself and enjoy the music the running would be easier. I think sometimes if I could distract myself from the doing in life....I could enjoy the being a bit more as well.
Another interseting thing...this morning there were a lot of other runners out. This is abnormal. In the three weeks we've been doing this I rarely see any other runners. There were two guys running on the track in front of us this morning and as I passed them I heard them talking about technique. Thought that was interesting. Made me think about how we can help each other out and give/get suggestions but in the end it's ultimately about what you are comfortable with or what works best for you. This made me think about how sometimes we try and fit everyone in a box and we try and fit our faith in a box. We expect everyone and our faith to fit into a nice little mold and if it doesn't look like we think it should we discount it as wrong. Funny because maybe it's just a different technique. Not right or wrong, just different. Don't know....need to unpack this some more.
When we finished running and I was driving home I saw a buch more runners. Some were running alone, some in a group. Those in a group were in another group with some running behind that group. It was encouraging to see other runners out running the race. It made me think about how in life there are so many different people and but watching the good example that some set it's easier for us to run strong. It goes back again to the scripture in Hebrew. Since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses let us run with endurance the race set before us. Watching others helps us as well.
Well....for some reason I'm falling asleep and need to actually get up and ready for work...but....things to ponder :)
God grant me the stength and grace to get through this day clothed in compassion and love that I might share You with those I meet today.
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